The (Plus Sam) Collection
by Batdude365
Summary: This collection of stories follows the misadventures of Lincoln, Sam (the guy on the cover), and the others.
1. Get The Message (Plus Sam)

This is the very first ( Sam) episode. This one is based on "Get The Message". Sometimes, they will be different from the actual episode, and other times, it goes exactly like the original episode.

Anyways, hope you guys enjoy!

[Some video game sound effects are playing; Lincoln and Sam are playing a VR game where you fight zombies with breakdancing.]

Lincoln Sam: [twerks] Feel our twerks, you evil jerks! [killing zombies; do pelvic thrusts]

[Lincoln and Sam continue to breakdance; they go up the stairs and do more moves in the hallway where they then enter one particular room.]

Lori: Lincoln! Sam!

Sam:Wow! This boss knows our names! Talk about interactive! Right, Linc?

Lincoln[gulps] I think I know where we are.

[The two slowly take their goggles off and see Lori making an angry face at them. As a result, Lincoln screams while Sam looks on, slightly less terrified.]

Lori: There's only one rule in this house: Stay out of my bedroom! If I catch you two in here again, I will literally turn you into human pretzels! [on the phone] No, not you, Bobby. [giggles] One sec, okay? [kicks Lincoln and Sam out]

Sam:(gets up) Jeez, what's her problem today?

Lincoln: Never mind her. I'll just go use the bathroom. [puts his goggles back on and continues to dance the zombies away] OH, YEAH! [goes into the bathroom; realizes what he's doing in there] Zombies don't need to see this. [takes the goggles off and sets them on the sink; whistles until he's done with his business] [comes out the bathroom] Bathroom's all yours, buddy.

Sam: Thanks, man. [heads into the bathroom] I think I'll have an easier time taking a leak with this thing off. [takes the goggles off and sets them on the sink]

[There's a knock at the door.]

Sam: Occupado!

[The knocking then turns into a pounding.]

Sam: Gonna have to wait your turn!

[Lori punches a huge hole through the door and throws Sam out.]

Lori: [on the phone] Bobby, you'll never guess what Whitney said to me today.

Sam: [rhetorically] That you like to throw people out of your room and the bathroom as well as disrespecting a man's privacy and punching holes into doors?

Lori: [ignoring Sam and gluing back the wood on the door] No, silly! Not even. She was all like...

[Sam and Lincoln head to Lincoln's room until they realize something.]

Lincoln Sam: (gasp) Our gaming glasses!

[The two rush to the bathroom but are stopped by Lola and Lana who are dressed in some kind of authority attire]

Lana: No running in the hallway!

Sam: We really don't have time for your little game right now.

Lincoln: What are you guys even talking about?

Lola: Lana, are these maggots giving you lip? [writes Lincoln and Sam up]

Lana: We're the new hall monitors at school, so we're practicing at home.

[They give Lincoln and Sam each a ticket.]

Sam: So, you two decided to majorly inconvenience everyone in the house instead of doing it somewhere else? You know what, never mind. The last time I saw a hall monitor do that, they ended up getting their teacher arrested.

Lola: If we catch you speeding again, you're going downtown!

Sam: (looks around; points at Lynn) Oh my gosh! A jaywalker!

Lola Lana: (turn around) HEY! (tackle Lynn)

Sam: (to Lincoln) Alright, let's go before they're done with Lynn.

Lincoln: Agreed!

[Sam and Lincoln rush over to the bathroom, only to see their gaming glasses crushed into pieces.]

Sam and Lincoln: (gasps) Someone stepped on our precious glasses! (realize who was the culprit) LOOOORRRIIII!!!!

[Since Lori kicked Sam out when he left him in there and Lincoln left them in there after coming out, they automatically blame her and see that she left in the family van.]

Lincoln Sam: YOU DIRT BAG!

[Cut to Lincoln's room.]

Lincoln: (to the viewers) One minute we're electric-sliding with the undead, and the next... [groans] IT'S ALL LORI'S FAULT!

Sam: (to the viewers) It was one thing to kick us out of her room when we accidentally stumbled in there, and another when she punched through the door and threw me out when I was still doing my business, but the third thing when she broke our glasses is the final straw!

Lincoln: I know! Lori's a monster! All she cares about is talking on her stupid phone! Well, We're going to give her a call she'll never forget...

[Lincoln looks in his drawer and pulls out a sheet of paper and shows it to Sam.]

Sam: Good. How about "Why Lori is the worst sister/friend ever"?

Lincoln: [evilly] Great title suggestion. [writes the letter with Sam; dials Lori's phone number on his duck phone]

[While Lincoln is waiting, Luna is jamming, and riffs to the last note of Lori's ringtone.]

Lincoln: [impatient] Agh. Must be charging her phone. No worries. I'll just leave it on her voicemail.

Voicemail: Hey, this is Lori. You know what to do. [beeps]

Lincoln Sam: Hey, Lori. It's your dear brother, Lincoln and his friend Sam. There's something we've been meaning to tell you. You are... [go into a blindingly raging rant about Lori; Luna comes into his room and rocks out to censor the harsh and foul message for any profanity it may contain; finishing up] AND THAT IS WHY YOU ARE THE WORST SISTER AND FRIEND EVER!!! [hang up]

[Lori enters the room.]

Lori: Hey, guys. I just wanna say I'm so sorry I stepped on your stupid toys. So I went out and bought you some stupid new ones.

Lincoln Sam: [shocked at her generosity] You did what now?

Lori: You're welcome, guys.

[As Lori leaves, Lincoln and Sam realize they made a terrible mistake.]

Lincoln Sam: (to the viewers) Oh man! What have we done? We called Lori a-[guitar riff] -when she's actually a- [harp string] What are we gonna do?!

Sam: [gets an idea] Lori clearly hasn't listened to the voicemail yet, or we'd be human pretzels. We gotta delete the message!

[Lincoln and Sam are peaking out the door; Lori has locked up her room and entered the security password and leaves.]

Lincoln: Perfect! Lori doesn't have her cell which means it's still in there charging. Our mission is to infiltrate her room and delete the message before she gets back.

Sam: Sounds good to me.

Lincoln: I need you to be a lookout for her.

Sam: That's easy. I'll never let you down.

Lincoln: Then let's do this!

[They fistbump for luck.]

Sam: [sneaks through the hallway] I'm in position.

Lincoln: Roger that. [sees Lola Lana] Drat! The po-po! I can't go through, so I'm gonna have to go over!

[Lincoln sneaks by while the twins check the sound he made only to see he's nowhere; he's hiding up on the top of the doorway and tosses a hamster treat that Geo goes after.]

Lana: Hey, fur ball! No speeding!

[The twins give chase to Geo.]

Twins: Hey! What did we just say? Get back here!

[Lincoln sneaks into the vent.]

Lincoln: I'm in.

Sam: [pulls up a schematic of the house] Great. Proceed two clicks north, hook a left, and you should be right over the target.

[Lincoln heads down that pathway.]

Lincoln: I've got eyes on the package.

[He breaks into Lori's room and finds the phone still charging.]

Sam: Lincoln! Lori's coming!

Lincoln: You're going to have to stall her!

Sam: On it! (tears off his clothes to reveal a security guard uniform underneath, puts on a security guard hat and sunglasses as Lori approaches) Good afternoon, ma'am. I will need your name and business so you can pass.

Lori: You know who I am, Sam. Now let me through.

Sam: (blocks her) I'm afraid I can't do that, ma'am. Name and business, please.

Lori: I don't need to tell you squat! You already know who I am!

Sam: Do we have a problem here?

Lori: (sighs from annoyance)

[Lincoln grabs the phone and starts playing the message.]

Message: Hey, Lori. It's your dear brother, Lincoln and his friend Sam.

[Lincoln deletes it.]

Phone: Message deleted.

[Lincoln sneaks out.]

Lori: Alright, fine. I'll tell you. My name is Lorelei Lindsay Loud, and I am here to go to my room.

Sam: (finishes writing down) There we go. Filled in all the information here. Now, was that so hard?

Lori: Just move over. [heads to her room]

[Lincoln drops down from the vent above Sam.]

Lincoln: Yes! Mission accomplished!

Sam: Yeah! (high fives Lincoln)

Lincoln: Now, let's just take care of this letter...(reaches into his pocket and finds nothing) Wait! What happened to the letter?! I thought you had it, Sam.

Sam: I thought you had it.

Lincoln: Well, if neither of us has it, then where could it be?

[Cut to Lori in her room.]

Lori: [talking to Bobby]If you want our couple name to be Lobby, you're going to have to show a little- [sees something on the floor] What's this? Why Lori is the worst sister/friend ever? Bobby, I gotta go. I'M ABOUT TO TURN LINCOLN AND SAM INTO HUMAN PRETZELS!!!

[Cut to Lincoln and Sam looking about and around the hallway for the letter.]

Lori: [reveals the letter to the two; enraged] LINCOLN! SAM! WHAT IS THIS?!

Sam: (winces) At least we know where the letter went now. [to Lincoln] Hey, Lincoln, I know what we should do now.

Lincoln: What?

Sam: GOTTA GO FAST! (grabs Lincoln's arm and rushes at sonic speed, away from Lori's wrath)

Lori: WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU TWO, I'M GONNA-

[Luna rocks out to censor Lori's rant of revenge, just like she did for Lincoln. Lori rushes downstairs after the two.]

Lori: (angrily singsong) Lincoln? Sam? Where are you? [comes across a large tarp with a note on it] What's this? "Lincoln and Sam are NOT under this tarp." Do you really think I'm as stupid as Leni? [pulls off the tarp to reveal a ticking watermelon] What the-

[The watermelon goes off, covering the entire living room in watermelon. Lori is completely covered in it. Then, she sees a note inside the busted watermelon.]

Lori: "Told you Lincoln and Sam weren't under this tarp. Why didn't you listen?" Oh, hardy har har!

Luan: Hey, Lori, have you seen my exploding watermel-[sees the mess in the living room] Oh, never mind. A perfectly good April Fools prank completely wasted. [goes back up the stairs]

Lori: (growls in anger) I know you two are here somewhere!

[Just then, she sees the two about to leave through the back door.]

Lincoln: Good thinking using Luan's watermelon to mislead Lori, Sam.

Sam: Yeah, I know. Now, let's go to my house until this blows over.

Lori: I don't think so! [charges at full power towards the two]

[Sam quickly opens the back door and moves out of the way with Lincoln. Lori ends up charging out the door and towards a tree. Sam closes and locks the door back.]

Sam: Well, that takes care of that dilemma.

[Cut to a scene where an enraged Lori, with twigs and leaves in her hair, comes through the kitchen window and slowly walks up to Sam's back. Lincoln gets a scared face and points frantically behind Sam.]

Sam: Hey, Linc. Why are you pointing behind me?

Lincoln: (in a squeaky voice) She got back inside!

Sam: Wait, is Lori right behind me?

Lincoln: (in a squeaky voice) Yes!

[Sam looks behind him and sees Lori, only for her to tackle him and Lincoln.]

Lori: (chokeholding Lincoln Sam) Alright, you two! You have annoyed me for the last time! Now, you leave me no choice to turn you into human pretzels!

[Lori is about to beat the tar out of Lincoln and Sam,until...]

Lynn Sr.: And just what are you doing, young lady?!

Lori:(turns around, gasps) Dad! (stammering) Well, y-y-you see, I was t-t-teaching Lincoln and his friend here how to defend themselves against attackers. Isn't that right, boys?

Sam: No, she was going to turn us into human pretzels for basically no reason!

Lori: Well, that's only because you and Lincoln wrote a nasty letter about me!

Sam: Only because you kicked me and Lincoln out of your room just for stumbling in there by accident, punched a hole through the bathroom door threw me out HARD, and broke our VR glasses! Sure, you replaced them and apologized, but your apology didn't even sound sincere!

Lynn Sr.: Alright, I have heard enough. Lori, you're grounded for 3 weeks for physically abusing the boys and breaking their stuff. You also owe them a sincere apology. And you're going to clean up this mess in the living room. (gives Lori a sponge and a bottle of Pine-Sol) In addition, I'm taking away your phone privileges during that time. (takes Lori's phone) Do you understand?

Lori: (sadly) Yes, Dad.

Lynn Sr.: And Lincoln, you can still do your normal hobbies, but you can't leave the house for a week unless it's school, since you wrote that nasty letter about your sister. And you're going to help with the mess too. After this, just don't try to bother your older sister during the next three weeks. And Sam, you're free to go since you don't live here.

Lincoln: Yes, Dad.

Sam: Loud and clear, Mr. Loud. (laughs to himself)

Lynn Sr.: Yeah, I saw what you did there. That was a good one.

Lincoln: Alright, I'll go help Lori with the mess. [heads into the living room to help clean]

Sam: Hey, Linc. I'll help, too.

[Cut to Lincoln, Lori, and Sam cleaning up the living room.]

Lori: Hey, guys. Can I tell you something really quick?

Lincoln Sam: Sure. What is it?

[Lori goes over and hugs the two tightly.]

Lori: I am DEEPLY sorry for kicking you out of my room for little to no reason, (to Sam) throwing you out the bathroom, breaking your VR glasses, apologizing insincerely for that, and chokeholding you two as well as almost turning you two into human pretzels.

Lincoln: Apology accepted, sis. We're sorry for writing that nasty letter about you.

Lori: Apology accepted, bro. I should've seen that coming, from the way I acted today. Me and Bobby got in another argument, and I was just tense today. Then, I took my anger out on you too.

[Pan around the living room as it looks spotless and shiny.]

Sam: Well, we did a pretty good job here. I guess the only place I'll be seeing you two is here. And for Lori, longer.

Lincoln: Come on, Sam. Let's go finish playing upstairs.

Sam: Alright.

[The two head upstairs while Lori waves at them happily. She then turns the TV to "Dream Boat".]

THE END


	2. It’s a 4x Loud House ( Sam)

[Lincoln and Sam are looking around and sneaking about in the living room and leap onto the sofa.]

Lincoln: [to the viewers] Money. In the Loud House, there just isn't a lot of it to go around. 

[Lincoln searches between the cushions and gets slime on his fingers.]

Lincoln: Ew! [shakes it off]

Sam: [pulls out a "Garbage Pail Kids Movie" disc and tosses it] Grody!

Lincoln: Which is why, if you happen to find some, even the smallest amount...you gotta keep it to yourselves, [finds 2 $50 bills] Jackpot! [stashes one bill in his pocket, gives the other to Sam] Here you go.

Sam: Why, thank you, my good man. [stashes it in his pocket]

[Just then, Lincoln's sisters happen to come across them and their $50 bills.]

Lola: We heard money! $20's! No, $50's!

Sam: What money? I don't see, or hear, any money. [to Lincoln] Do you?

Lincoln: No. Not at all. Besides, money doesn't make a sound.

Luan: Haven't you ever heard the expression Money talks [laughs at rimshot]

Luna: And those $50's are saying, "Hand us over, bros!"

Lana: They're mine!

Leni: Guys, let's just split it 40/40!

Sam: One, it's 50/50, and two, we found this money [pulls out his money] in the couch fair and square. Ergo, none of you are getting them.

Lynn: Wait a second! If there were 2 $50's down there, then maybe there's more!

[As the sisters were about to pounce on the two...]

Sam: [throws down a smoke bomb] Smoke bomb!

[Sam and Lincoln flee with their cash in their pockets. They decide to head to Lincoln's room.]

Lincoln: [rushes in with Sam, slams door] Good idea using the smoke bomb.

Sam: And now to barricade this door./span

[Cut to montage of Lincoln and Sam barricading the door with multiple heavy objects.]

Lincoln: Alright, I think that should-

[Just then, Lynn kicks the door so hard, everything barricading the door flew out the window and the door was in smithereens.]

Sam: Well, at least we know she never skipped leg day.

Lynn: Alright, you two. We can do this the easy way and hand us the money, or my favorite, the hard way and we have to beat it out of you.

Sam: Alright. Alright. We actually found more than $100 in the couch. We put the rest of it in this bag. [throws the bag in front of the sisters] There. Go crazy.

[The sisters then scramble over the bag. During this, Lincoln and Sam leave through the window.]

Lori: Haha! Yes! Now, I have all the... dirty underwear... Those sons of [airhorn]! Where'd they go?!

[Cut to Lincoln and Sam running towards Walmart.]

Lincoln: Alright, I hope that distracted them. Now, let's go get what we want from here.

[Cut to a montage of the two in Walmart. Then, the two are now heading out with a lot of new video games and comics.]

Sam: I can't believe we got all of this for just $50!

Lincoln: I know! I just hope my sisters had calmed down while we were gone.

[Cut to Lincoln and Sam at the Loud House. They open the front door, only to run into 9 angry sisters.]

Sam: [nervously]Hello, guys.

Lynn: Don't "Hello, guys" us! Where's the money?!

Lincoln: [winces] Oh, that. We may have spent it at Walmart.

[All of the sisters' heads turn red and steam exits their ears.]

Lori: I'M GOING TO BEAT THE [elephant trumpet] OUT OF THE TWO OF YOU! COME ON, LET'S BEAT THEM, EVERYONE!

[The 9 sisters crack their knuckles and pounce onto Sam and Lincoln, resulting in a large dust cloud with multiple onomatopoeias coming from it. All the while, Sam and Lincoln are screaming. The Loud parents see the rumble.]

Rita: What are they fighting over this time?

Lynn Sr: No clue.

Rita: Anyway, we better stop them before they start biting.

[Lola and Lana bite Lincoln and Sam.]

Lincoln: Ow! Lola!

Sam: Ouch, Lana!

Lynn Sr: Too late. [whistles and gets them to stop] Alright, somebody tell me what you all are fighting about.

Sam: Let me explain, Mr. Loud. So, me and Lincoln found $100 in the couch and split it evenly. Then, the girls came in and were about to take it from us. So, we went up to Lincoln's room to barricade the door. Unfortunately, Lynn destroyed his door and all the stuff he had in his room flew out the window. We then fled through the window to go to Walmart. We came back here and then the girls decided to beat us up for basically no reason.

Lisa: Only because you two smoke bombed us and gave us a bag full of filthy undergarments.

Lincoln: That was because we got that money fair and square and we didn't want you to take it from us.

Sam: Oh yeah, [points at Lori] and Lori said [elephant trumpet].

Leni: She also said [airhorn].

Lori: Leni, whose side are you on?

Lynn Sr: I think I've heard enough! [to the girls] ALL RIGHT, GIRLS! GET IN THE ATTIC AND CLEAN IT! That's punishment for fighting your brother and his friend over money!

[The sisters all groan and acquiesce.]

Luan: That punishment makes no cents. [laughs to rimshot]

Lynn Sr.:In the attic! [to Rita] But that was a good one.

Lynn Sr: [stops Lori] And when you're done, I'm washing your mouth out with soap, Little Miss Potty Mouth!

[Cut to the girls in the attic.]

Lynn Sr.: AND I WANT THAT WHOLE ATTIC SPARKLING! EVEN THE BACK CORNER!

[The girls look on to see the horror that is the back corner.]

Lucy: But the back corner was my secret dark place.

Lynn: [sighs] I'll go clean it.

Lynn Sr.: AND WATCH OUT FOR THAT LOOSE FLOORBOARD!

Lynn: What loose floorboard? [steps on it and gets hit in the face by it] Stupid loose floorboard... [puts it back and notices an envelope] Hey, what's this? [opens it up and finds a letter] Dear Future Residents of 1216 Franklin Avenue, my family always fought over money, so I decided to leave my fortune for you in the hope that you will share it. For a clue on where the money is hidden, reflect upon what I said here. Signed, Mrs. Sharon DeMonet, the original owner. [gasps] Hey, guys! Check it out! I found this letter from the original owner! She says she's hidden money in the house!

Other Sisters: Really?! Let us see that! [head over to Lynn and read the letter]

Lynn: [looks around the attic] The answer must be in here somewhere. I know it. Reflect upon what I said here. What could that mean? [looks in the mirror to find another piece of paper in the rafter] Reflect Duh! [gets on a stack of boxes and grabs the paper]

Lucy: What's that?!

Lynn: [startled] Ah! [calms down] It's another letter. [opens it up and reads it to the others] Well done. You've found the next clue. But beware. If you fight like my family did, you'll never get to the bottom of the matter.

Lori: Now, what could "the bottom of the matter" mean?

Luna: I don't know. Maybe the next clue is on something you put your bottom on.

[Lana and Luna are searching in the bathroom, Lola and Luan are searching in the basement, Lori and Lucy are looking through the living room, and Leni, Lynn, and Lisa are searching through the rooms until...]

Leni: [from Lisa and Lily's room] Hey guys! We found it!

Other Sisters: [rushes to Lisa and Lily's room] YOU FOUND THE NEXT CLUE?! OR BETTER YET, THE MONEY?!

Leni: No, and no! My missing floral pump!

Other Sisters: Awww!

Lisa: [holding Lily] Actually, we found the next clue on Lily's posterior. [holds out the paper]

Lynn: [takes the paper from Lisa] This clue is actually a map. [reads] If you're reading this, it means you came together and got to the "bottom" of the matter! Congratulations! You're almost there!

[The kids cheer over this discovery.]

Lynn: [suspicious] But wait. How could she have known the map would be on Lily's bottom?

[The others think about that for a brief moment.]

Lynn: [shrugs] Oh, well. Must've been a coincidence. Let's go find the money!

[They all head on the search.]

[Cut to the backyard, where the girls come across a big X.]

Lynn: X marks the spot.

Lisa:[excited] Ooh! I love solving for X!

[Lynn grabs a sandbox shovel and starts digging.]

Other Sisters:[chanting] DIG! DIG! DIG! DIG!

Lucy: I've got some experience digging holes. [joins Lynn in digging]

Sisters: DIG! DIG! DIG! DIG!

Luan: Digging is fun for the hole family! [laughs] Get it?

Sisters: DIG! DIG! DIG! DIG!

Lana: Okay, everyone. Stand back. Luna? A little digging music?

Luna: [starts strumming her acoustic guitar]

[Lana digs like Charles and finds the briefcase, much to her sisters' amazement.]

Lynn: [takes it but notices...] It's locked!

Leni: I got this. [takes the briefcase, pulls out her barrette, and picks the lock open with it, stunning her sisters] What? There's more to my head than just air, you know.

[Lynn opens the briefcase and everyone gasps to discover that the money is real!]

Lola: [checks the total] Five...hundred...DOLLARS!!!

[The kids gasp again.]

Lynn: So, if we share it equally, that means we each get, uh...

Lisa: $50 each.

[The kids all cheer over their achievement. Luna cheers and Lucy is throwing confetti around like a flower girl at a wedding.]

Luna: YEAH! WOO-HOO!

Lucy: Yay. Yay. Yay.

Lola:[spreading some of the money out] ONE! TWO! THREE!

[Lori and Leni jump for joy and start doing the tango together. Lana is twirling a lasso, Luan is hugging a tree, and Luna is tumbling around. All the while, their parents watch on at their children's happiness.]

Rita: It was really nice of you to give up your work bonus. Are you ever gonna tell them that you're Sharon DeMonet?

Lynn Sr.: Nah.

Rita: I have to admit, it's nice to see them sharing money and not fighting over it.

Lynn Sr.: Yep. All part of Sharon's plan.

[Cut to later when Lincoln and Sam are playing one of the video games they got from Walmart in the living room.]

Lynn: Hey, guys.

Lincoln: Yes?

Lori: [garbled from soap] We're sorry for what happened earlier. Also, come with us. [holding the $500] We have a plan to make a LOT more money off this money we found in the backyard.

[The sisters then head off outside.]

Lincoln: What are they talking about?

Sam: I don't know.

[The two then head out of the house.]

Lincoln and Sam: [to the viewers] Aw... Here it goes! [relunctantly run off to join the sisters]

THE END


	3. Picture Perfect ( Sam)

[The episode begins with Sam walking into the kitchen and seeing Lincoln working on something.]

Sam: Hey, Linc. Whatcha doin'?

Lincoln: Making a coffee mug for my parents. In fact, the key to the perfect anniversary present for your parents is simple: know your audience. And since my folks love what I bring to the table, I make them the same thing every year: this awesome coffee mug! [raises a "coffee mug" which doesn't look complete]

Sam: Yeah... it looks like a coffee mug, all right.

Lori: Coffee mug? I thought it was a paperweight.

Lynn: Paperweight? That thing is definitely a pencil holder.

Lisa: Negatory. Clearly it's a bust of German philosopher Immanuel Kant.

Luan: [in her gag glasses] I Kant even tell what it is! [laughs]

[All the other sisters walk in the scene to their brother.]

Lola: Clearly no one can figure out what that thing is. No wonder Mom and Dad just throw all your old gifts in the attic.

[The girls gasp at what Lola just said and Luna shuts her up.]

Lincoln: [flabbergasted] WHAT?! [rushes up to the attic]

Sam: [to Lori, Luan, Lynn, Lisa, and Lola] You always have to put a man down, don't you?

[Cut to the attic, where Lincoln is looking around for evidence of what Lola just said.]

Lincoln: Lola must've been messing around with me. Mom and Dad love my coffee mugs. [notices a box] What's this? "DO NOT OPEN!" Okay. [opens it and finds that Lola was telling the truth and gasps.] It's true...Mom and Dad do hate my gifts!

[Luna, Sam, and Lucy are looking at the mug Lincoln worked so hard on.]

Luna: If you turn your head to the side and squint, it almost looks like Aunt Shirley.

[An image of Aunt Shirley shows up and a scream of horror is heard upon her appearance.]

Sam: Oh my goodness, get that abomination off the screen! [shoves the image off-screen]

Lucy: Or an inflamed liver.

Lori: When he's this pathetic, it takes all the joy out of making fun of him.

Lincoln: [insulted] I HEARD THAT!

Sisters: WE KNOW!

Sam: [glares at the sisters] Geez, what's your problem today? Dude just wanted to make an anniversary present, and this is how you treat him for doing so?

Lori: Puh-lease! I could make a better coffee mug than him.

[Cut back to Lincoln in the attic.]

Lincoln: [facepalms in anger] Mom and Dad's anniversary is tomorrow. What am I gonna do?

[He sits down on a box that causes a flash to occur. He examines it and finds Dad's old camera and finds out there's still some film in it.]

Lincoln: Oh, I think an idea's developing!

[Lincoln walks backwards and falls down the stairs. Luckily, Sam catches him.]

Lincoln: Thanks, bro.

Sam: Don't mention it.

Lincoln: I've figured out the perfect present for Mom and Dad! [holds up camera] Ta-da!

Lana: You're giving them Dad's old camera?

Lincoln: What... No! Not the camera. A photograph of all of us!

Lori: Why use that old thing when you can just use a cellphone? [holds up her phone]

Lincoln: [defensively] Because that would be like painting the Mona Lisa with a crayon.

Lori: Wow. This may be the year you don't fail miserably and crush Mom and Dad's souls.

Lincoln: [offended] Well! [confidently] Everyone, to the backyard!

[Cut to the backyard. Sam is focusing the camera to make sure everyone, kids and pets, stays perfectly in the frame.]

Sam: Okay, that's it. Leni, scooch to the left. [Leni moves to her right which is Lincoln's left.] Your other left. [Leni gets it right] Perfect! Someone grab Lily. [Lucy grabs her and puts her back in the frame.] Thank you. Good. One last question. Can I be in it?

Lori: Sam, you are NOT family. This is a family picture. Ergo, you can't be in it since you're not family.

Sam: [offended] Well! I'll just take the picture then.

Lincoln: Everybody say cheese!

Loud Kids: [while holding big smiles] Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

[The picture is taken, but Sam's thumb was in front of the lens. Cut to the siblings looking at the picture. They all then glare at Sam.]

Sam: What? I don't have much experience with these types of cameras.

[Cut to the Loud Kids in the same stance.]

Lincoln: Alright, we're not leaving until we get this right.

Sisters: [groaning]

Sam: [setting up the camera] Alright, the camera's raring to go.

Loud Kids: [while holding big smiles] Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

[Clyde is walking through the shot.]

Clyde: [nervously infatuated] L-L-Lori? [gets a nosebleed that spills onto the camera lens]

[The picture comes out like it was taken in a red filter.]

Sam: Are you serious right now, Clyde? During a family picture, you decide to get your nose blood on the camera?

Clyde: I was wondering if Lincoln-

Lincoln: I'm pretty busy right now, Clyde.

Clyde: [feeling down] I understand. [walks off]

[Cut to the Loud Kids in the same stance.]

Lincoln: Let's just hope no more mishaps occur today.

Loud Kids: [while holding big smiles] Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... [While smiling, some of them end up sneezing when the camera snaps a picture.]

Lincoln: Alright, Leni, Lana, Lucy, Lola, can we make sure you get anything that might ruin the picture out of your system before we take any more pictures?

[The aforementioned four nod.]

Loud Kids: [while holding big smiles] Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

[Mr. Grouse is mowing his lawn, but the Louds get covered in grass stains as the picture is taken. Cut to the Louds each taking a turn in the bathroom, washing off the grass stains.]

Lola: [washing grass out of her hair] Ugh! I can't believe I got grass in my beautiful hair. [finishes and leaves the bathroom] Your turn, Lincoln.

[Cut to later when the Louds are back in the backyard.]

Sam: Well, fifth time's the charm.

Loud Kids: [while holding big smiles] Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

[Suddenly, all the siblings, sans Luan, starts to get really itchy. They proceed to scratch themselves like crazy. This ends up getting photographed.]

Lana: [scratching her back on a tree] Hey Luan, why aren't you itchy like the rest of us?

Luan: Must've been one of my leftover April Fools' pranks. There was itching powder in all your beds last night.

[The siblings glare at Luan for doing so. She laughs nervously.]

Luan: Why don't we move on to the next picture? I'm sure that this time, it's gonna be a snap. [laughs]

[Cut to a montage of the Loud Kids trying to take a good picture, but fail miserably each time, on account of loose fire hydrants that sprayed water on them, Cliff chasing a field mouse around the backyard, Lana rolling around in mud and getting the others covered in it, one of Lisa's experiments going off in the house, producing lots of smoke outside, making the picture blurry, etc.]

Lincoln: Alright, I think one last picture will be good.

Sam: Actually... we ran out of film. And the rest of it burnt up from Lisa's experiment. [points to the enflamed camera film]

[Lincoln facepalms in frustration. Cut to later where the siblings are looking over the collection of photos they took from earlier with worry.]

Lincoln: Look at us. We're like a vision of insanity. We can't give this to Mom and Dad. [holds up the coffee mug] This is worse than my coffee mug!

Leni: Actually, there's some friends of mine that do photography.

Lincoln: What are you waiting for? Call them up.

[Leni does so.]

Leni: Hi, Lara, Collin, Jessica. I was wondering if you could do me a favor...

[Cut to the Loud Kids at a photography studio.]

Collin: Hi, Leni. This must be your family. [handshakes each sibling] Nice to meet you all. [to Sam] And who are you?

Sam: I'm Sam, Lincoln's friend.

Jessica: No offense, but... we're only taking pictures of Leni and her family right now.

Lara: Go ahead and sit on the bench over there. [points to said bench]

[Sam reluctantly walks over to the bench and sits on it while waiting for the Louds to finish their picture. Cut to the Loud Kids in front of a sunny backrop.]

Collin: [setting up the camera] Just a few adjustments there, and... Ready! Everybody say cheese!

Loud Kids: [while holding big smiles] Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

Jessica: No, no, wait! I know what could make this picture better. [puts Christmas sweaters on each of the siblings] Perfect!

Collin: Now, you can say cheese.

Loud Kids: [while holding big smiles] Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... [The picture is taken, and it's a success.]

Lincoln: [holding a framed version of the picture] This looks pretty good.

Sam: [takes out the collection of other photos from his pocket] Maybe we can give your parents these as well, to show the long and hard process we went through for their anniversary present.

Lincoln: That's actually a great idea. [takes the collection] Bye, Sam.

Lori: [honking Vanzilla] Hey, Lincoln, you coming?

Lincoln: Be right there! [hops into Vanzilla]

Sam: Good luck with your present, guys! Actually, I'm gonna come along too! [follows suit]

[Cut to the next day, when it's Mom and Dad's anniversary.]

Loud Kids and Sam: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!

Rita: Thanks, kids.

Lynn Sr.: Ooh. Whose present should we open first?

Lincoln: Mine!

[It turns out Lincoln gave his parents the picture from the first takes in the backyard, as well as the one from the studio.]

Rita: Oh, Lincoln, this is wonderful! These are the best gifts we've ever gotten.

Lynn Sr.: They're going above the mantle right now. [places them there]

[The girls are confused and unhappy with Lincoln's last-minute decision.]

Lola: Lincoln, you bonehead! You gave them the wrong pictures!

Lincoln: Actually, I showed them the pictures that led to the perfect picture. The ones that show hard we worked for their present.

[The girls embrace Lincoln in gratitude and happiness.]

Girls: Aww! Thank you, Lincoln!

[Cut to later in the living room, when Lola is looking at herself through her hand mirror, Lana is adding her booger to Lisa's chemical, Lynn is tossing a baseball up in the air bored, Luna is playing a ditty on her acoustic guitar, Luan and Lucy are reading books, Lori is texting Bobby, and Leni is playing with Lily.]

Lincoln: [comes into the living room with Sam] By the way, I forgot to tell you this earlier. You might all wanna put your presents for Mom and Dad in here. [shows them the box the discarded coffee mugs were once in.] Since they'll all look super lame next to my awesome gift!

Sam: Oooooo! Burn!

Lincoln: [sits on the table and does "The Savage Dance" ]

Lori: What are you doing?

Lincoln: This is the savage dance.

Lynn: Oh, yeah? You're not the only one who can do it. We can do it too!

[The sisters start doing the "Savage Dance" as well.]

Lincoln: No, none of you earned it. Now, who's savage?

Sam: [to Lincoln] You!

Lincoln: Who's savage?

Sam: You!

Lincoln: Now let me hear it.

Sam: [gradually louder] Savage. Savage. Savage. Savage. Savage! Savage! SAVAGE!

Lincoln: [does the splits to end the dance] Uhh!

Sam: Woo hoo! Too savage.

Lynn: Oh, so when we make fun of you, it's too far, but when you do it, it's SAVAGE.

Lincoln: Yeah, it is savage. [hops off the table; to the viewers] Good night, everybody!

THE END


	4. A Fair to Remember ( Sam)

[The episode starts with Lincoln and Sam playing video games in the living room.]

Lincoln: Yeah, I'm gonna get to the finish line first!

Sam: Not if my gum grenade has anything to say about it!

[Suddenly, the doorbell rings. Lori rushes down to answer it.]

Lori: Bobby Boo-Boo Bear! [amorously pulls him in]

Bobby: Hey, babe. Ready for an epic date? [shows her tickets]

Lori: [gasps dreamily and grabs the tickets; unimpressed] A-Truck-alypse Now... this does not sound like a romantic comedy.

Bobby: Even better. An arena show where mutant trucks crush each other!

Lori: Yeah... I'm literally not going to that. Why don't you take [looks around] Mmm... [spots two suitable candidates] Lincoln and Sam?

Sam: [while playing] We would love to, but we're in the middle of something important at the moment here.

Bobby: It's a monster truck show.

[Lincoln turns off the game.]

Lincoln & Sam: Now you're talking!

[Cut to later that night, when the three come home after a great time at the truck show.]

Lincoln, Bobby, & Sam: WHOOOO!!!

Lincoln: That was an awesome celebration of senseless destruction!

Sam: I know! They were all like- [imitates the sound of two monster trucks; and claps his hands together to simulate the collision between the two; imitates an explosion]

Bobby: Right? Bro handshake!

[The three of them continuously fist-bump and high-five each other.]

Lori: I knew you guys would hit it off.

[The boys are still doing their handshake.]

Lincoln: How do we end this?

Bobby: I have no idea.

Sam: I know!

[The three head-butt each other to end the handshake.]

Lincoln: [dazed] I think there may be a better way to end it.

[Cut to the next day at the beach, Lori and Bobby are sitting on a blanket under an umbrella.]

Lori: [holding a bottle of sunscreen] Boo-Boo Bear, would you get my back, please?

Bobby: I can't right now, babe. Lincoln and Sam just got here.

[Lincoln & Sam at the top of the hill on their bike.]

Lincoln & Sam: HEY, BOBBY!

Lori: What?

Bobby: Yeah. We had so much fun yesterday that I invited them to hang with us.

[Lincoln & Sam shred down the hill and stop in the sand, burying Lori in a pile of sand.]

Bobby: WOOOOOOO!!!

[They do their handshake, head-butt at the end included.]

Bobby: Sup, bros?

Lincoln: Hey, bro.

Bobby: Last one in the water is a loser!

[They rush off to go into the water while Lori looks befuddled under the sand. Later that night, at Jean Juan's French Mex Buffet, Lori and Bobby are on a date there, but Lincoln & Sam show up.]

Lincoln: Hey, guys! Sorry we're late. [sits with them along with Sam]

Lori: Lincoln? Sam?

Bobby: No worries, bros. We wouldn't start without ya two. [does his handshake with Lincoln & Sam with Lori looking disappointed; speaking in a thick Hispanic accent while holding a baguette] I challenge the two of you to a free-for-all, Monsieurs!

Lincoln: [grabs a churro] Oh, it is on, Señor Roberto!

[Sam grabs a taquito and joins the two in the food fight as the crumbs fall onto Lori's head.]

[Cut to later, when Lori's taking a shower. Pan over to Lori's phone charging. There are several texts from Bobby asking if she wants to hang out at the arcade with Lincoln & Sam. Since he doesn't know Lori's occupied at the time, he figures she doesn't want to go with the three.]

[Cut to later, when Lori gets out of the shower and covers her body in a towel. She decides to check her phone to see if any new messages were left. After she's done reading the messages, she calls Bobby.]

Lori: [to Bobby over the phone] You stay right where you are. I'm coming over. [hangs up; screams in frustration and tosses her phone] It was bad enough when they treated me like a third wheel, but now they're hanging out without me? I don't think so! [marches out of the room and out the front door; comes back inside] And I almost went out in public in just a towel.

[Cut to Lincoln, Bobby, & Sam playing at Gus' Games and Grub until a clothed Lori intrudes.]

Lori: Bobby, this has got to-

Bobby: Hey, babe! Look! I won you these! [gives her a bouquet of roses] Thanks for being so cool about me hanging with Lincoln. You know, all my life, I've always wished I had a brother, and now I feel like I've got some in Lincoln & Sam. It's like they complete me. Sorry, what were you gonna say?

Lori: Uh...nothing. I mean, go finish your game, Boo-Boo Bear.

Bobby: Thanks, babe. We're still on for the county fair tomorrow, right?

Lori: You bet. We're totes riding the Tunnel of Love together.

Bobby: Sweet! The Bro-dacious Trio-

Sam: Ah! Bro-dacious Tri-bro.

Bobby: -Bro-dacious Tri-bro will meet you there at 5:00.

[Lori suddenly grimaces and has had enough.]

[Cut to the living room, where Lori is talking about her problem to Lucy and Leni.]

Lori: What do I do? I'm sick of Lincoln & Sam crashing our dates, but it makes Bobby so happy. He says they're like the brothers he never had.

Leni: I know! Why don't you hang out with Bobby's little sister, Ronnie Anne? She could be like the sister you never had.

[Lori and Lucy just awkwardly stare at Leni for that statement.]

Lori: That's not gonna solve my problem at all! Besides, I already have 9 of them, including you two.

Lucy: You know, this happens in my book. Griselda thinks she's losing Edwin, so she makes him jealous and he totally comes crawling back. Well, flying, actually.

Lori: Perfect! But how do I make Bobby jealous?

[The doorbell rings, Lucy answers it, and sees it's Clyde.]

Clyde: Hi, Lucy. Is Lincoln and/or Sam around?

Lori: Clyde! Am I glad to see you.

[Clyde gets a nosebleed and faints.]

[Lucy smiles at Clyde's reaction to Lori's presence. Clyde comes to and sees Lori.]

Lori: Clyde, how would you like-

[Clyde nosebleeds and faints again. When Clyde comes to, this time he sees Lucy.]

Lucy: "Clyde. I come with a message from... [Lori signals her sister not to use her name] ...the sister who cannot be named. Said sister would like you to join her at the county fair tomorrow.

Clyde: I would love to.

Lori: [hugs him] YAY!

[Clyde gets another nosebleed.]

Lucy: How are you going to make Bobby jealous with someone who's lifeless and covered in blood? Oh, wait. That's exactly what Griselda did. [Cut to the county fair, where Lori's dragging an unconscious Clyde to a public bench and gives him his glasses now painted to look like his eyes to make it look like he's awake. Lincoln, Bobby, and Sam enter the scene.]

Bobby: Hey! It's my fair maiden! [laughs] Get it? Ready to have fun?

Lori: Totes. But, I thought a Bro-tet would be better than a Tri-bro. So, I invited someone else to join us: Clyde.

Bobby: That's cool. I love the Clydesdale. Hey, Let's grab us all some doughnuts.

Sam: Great. Doughnuts for bros. Bro-nuts, if you prefer.

[The tri-bro do their handshake.]

Lincoln: Bro train to the bro-nuts!

[The tri-bro start imitating the sound of a train engine as they shuffle over to the donut stand.]

Lori: Yeah. [laughs nervously] You go do that.

[Clyde slants even further, and his face lands in Lori's lap.]

Lori: Are you literally going to be like this the entire time? [props Clyde back up]

[Cut to later, when the tri-bro return with the bro-nuts.]

Bobby: [to Lori] Check it. we got chocolate for you, powdered for Lincoln, [to Lincoln] matches the hair, bro, [back to Lori] twisted for Sam, and sprinkles for the Clydesdale. Here you go, dude. [offers the sprinkled one to Clyde]

Lori: [shoves it in Clyde's mouth only for it to fall out] He'll eat it later.

Lincoln: Come on, bros, let's hit the Whirly Gig.

[The tri-bro initiate bro train mode again, towards the Whirly Gig.]

Bobby: [to Lori] Babe, you coming with?

Lori: Totes. Clyde and I will be right behind you. [grabs him, struggles to carry him, and falls over] You know what? We'll meet you there.

[Cut to the Whirly Gig ride.]

Bobby: This is gonna be awesome! I tipped the guy to make it go faster so we get super dizzy.

[Cut to Lori and Clyde getting on.]

Lori: [feigning] Oh, what's that, Clyde? You want me to ride to make you dizzy? [laughs] I do that to you? [laughs more] Oh, you're so sweet, Clyde.

[Cut back to the tri-bro.]

Lincoln: Hey, Bobby, check it out. [takes out three corn dogs] Someone left some perfectly good corn dogs in here.

Bobby: Sweet!

[Lincoln and Bobby eat their corn dogs.]

Sam: [takes a corn dog; to the viewers] Oh, what the heck. [eats his corn dog]

[Suddenly, the ride starts. Lincoln, Bobby, and Sam are having a blast while Lori is getting smacked about by Clyde's flailing unconscious body. Cut to the ball toss game, where Lori knocks over a pyramid of milk bottles.]

Carny: A winner!

Lori: Yes! [receives a giant teddy bear]

Bobby: Heya, babe!

Lori: [feigning romance] Oh, Clyde, thanks for winning this for me. You have such a good arm. Do you work out?

[Bobby stares at them with a suspicious look.]

Sam: Hey, Bobs! Look! Tic Tac Toe! Tic Tac Bro, if you'd like.

[Lincoln & Sam throw balls at the panels and each get three X's in a diagonal row.]

Carny: Some winners! [gives the two remote controlled airplanes]

Lincoln: [offering his to Bobby] For you.

Bobby: Whoa! I've always wanted a remote controlled airplane! [tries it out and accidentally hits Lori with it]

Lori: GYAH!!! [falls over]

Bobby: Come on, bros!

[Lori gets back up.]

Lincoln: Later, sis! [goes off with Bobby]

[Lori is about to pick up Clyde, but only to get hit with Sam's airplane. She accidentally tosses Clyde at the strength tester, where someone hammers the lever and launches Clyde up to the bell right on his head, not even fazing him.]

Sam: [in reaction] Ooh! Sorry 'bout that.

[Lori glares at him.]

Sam: To both of you, I mean.

Carny: A winner! [gives Lori a stuffed orca as well as Clyde]

[Cut to later, when Lori walks over to Flip's cotton candy cart and puts Clyde on it.]

Lori: One cotton candy, please.

[While she gets out her change, Clyde falls into the machine and Flip runs away. Lori gets him out and now his hair is covered in cotton candy. She eats it.]

Bobby: [upset] Hey, babe. You never eat cotton candy off my head.

[Lincoln and Sam enter the scene.]

Sam: Here, Bobs. Got us some snow cones. Or should I say, bro cones.

Bobby: [cheered up] Sweet! Let's see who can get a brain freeze first.

[They eat their snow cones and get brain freezes at the same time and cheer.]

Bobby: YEAH!

Lincoln: WHOO!

Sam: [groans in pain]

[They run off and Clyde's cotton candy hair falls on Lori's.]

Lori: [disgusted] Eww! [washes Clyde off with a water pistol from the balloon popping game; sees the boys doing her handshake; runs into the photo booth with Clyde] Oh, Clyde. [laughs] Here, snuggle in closer. [comes out] Oh, hi, guys.

Bobby: Umm...

Lincoln and Sam: [whistle offcreen, getting Bobby's attention. Pan over to them with their heads in a head hole mural.]

Lincoln: Bobby, check it out! Cowboys on dinosaurs! Wanna take some bro-tos?

Bobby: Good call, my man!

[Lori becomes more irked at this. The photo booth's photos have developed and it shows that her photo op did not go well. As she literally drags on, she notices that her best chance is to use the Tunnel of Love and gets in with Clyde.]

Lori: Hey, guys.

Bobby: [upset] Babe, the Tunnel of Love is our ride.

Lori: I know, but you were off with the other members of your tri-bro, so...

Lincoln: [showing Bobby another ride] Bobby, look at that ride! The Toilet Bowl! Or as I like to call it, the Toilet Bro-wl!

Bobby: No way! Let's go get flushed, bros!

[The three high-five, and head off to the Toilet Bowl.]

Lori: Bobby! Wait!

Ride Operator: Join hands, you lovebirds. [starts the ride as Lori groans] What an adorable couple.

Lori: Oh, shut it. [Cut to the inside of the tunnel.]

Lori: [sighs] This stinks. This was supposed to be a romantic date with Bobby, and now look where I am. [to the unconscious McBride boy] No offense, Clyde. It's just...I should be on this ride with my boyfriend. But maybe I don't even have a boyfriend anymore. Bobby doesn't seem to care about being with me at all.

[As she laments, Clyde falls out of the boat.]

Lori: Clyde? [looks back and sees him fall into the river.] CLYDE!

[The ride stops and the fair staff gets him out.]

Maintenance Man: Got him! We have five for five this week!

[Lincoln, Bobby, and Sam have just got flushed out of the Toilet Bowl.]

Lincoln, Bobby, and Sam: TOILET BROWL!!! [do their handshake]

Lincoln: That was awesome! You guys up for number two?

Sam: I'm down!

Bobby: You read my mind, bro! Be right back. [heads off to the bathroom]

Lincoln: [to Bobby] The ride, I meant, though.

[As the two wait for their bro, they hear Lori crying.]

Ride Operator: Miss, your boyfriend's okay. He's in the medical tent drying off.

Lori: [bawling] He's not my boyfriend...I literally don't think I have a boyfriend anymore! [continues sobbing]

[Lincoln & Sam go over to her.]

Sam: [to Lori] What's the matter?

[Lori slowly stops crying and faces the two with livid expressions.]

Lori: [enraged; growls] YOU TWO!!!

Sam: [nervously] Yeah... On second thought, we'll come back later. [attempts to flee from Lori's wrath, along with Lincoln]

[However, Lori grabs the both of them by their shirt collars.]

Lori: [to Lincoln & Sam] Think you can take my boyfriend away from me and get away with it?!

Sam: [struggles] What are you talking about?

Lori: You've been keeping Bobby distracted from me the entire day.

[Lincoln & Sam look at each other and laugh hysterically.]

Lori: [extremely livid] YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY TO COME BETWEEN ME AND MY BOO-BOO BEAR?!

Sam: [calms down; stops laughing; to Lori] No, it's just that... You got this all wrong.

Lincoln: [to Lori] We were just having some bro time.

Sam: You know, being Turbo Bros. Or Tur-bros, if you prefer.

Lincoln: [to Lori] We never actually meant to come between you and Bobby.

Bobby: Yeah, I was just spending some time with my bros here. But, I'll always have time for you, babe.

Lori: [in realization] Oh... [laughs nervously] I had this whole plan to make you jealous by bringing Clyde, and... [sighs] Well, I feel like a fool now.

Sam: [to Lori] And I would really appreciate it if you could let go of us now.

[Lori lets go of the two's shirts and feels even more remorseful than before.]

Bobby: [consoling her] It's OK, babe. Listen. Why don't we go on the Tunnel of Love together? Just you... and me.

Lori: I would love to, Boo-Boo Bear.

[The two hold hands as they go over to the Tunnel of Love.]

Lincoln: Another happy ending.

Sam: At least we'll still have a bro-dacious tri-bro with or without Bobs. We have Clyde for that.

Lincoln: Speaking of which, where is he?

[The intercom comes on with an important announcement.]

Announcer: Would the parents of a soggy boy with cotton candy in his nose please come to the medical tent!

Sam: Well, there's our answer.

[Later that night, back home, Lincoln, Clyde, and Sam are hanging out again.]

Lincoln: Clyde, I hope you didn't feel left out when we were hanging with Bobby.

Clyde: Are you kidding? I got to have a date with Lori! I just wish I could remember it.

[There's a knock at the door. Sam answers it and it's revealed to be Bobby.]

Bobby: Hey, is Lori here?

Lincoln: Yeah. Come on in. So, are we cool?

Bobby: Totally, dudes.

[The three do their bro handshake.]

Clyde: I appreciate you being so mature, especially after the very romantic date I'm told I just had with your lady.

Boys: BROSHAKE!!!

[They perform it altogether and Lucy appears out of nowhere.]

Lucy: Clyde.

[The boys yelp at her sudden appearance.]

Sam: [to Lucy; surprised] Dah! You really need to stop doing that!

Lucy: [to Clyde] The sister who cannot be named would like to thank you for hanging out with her at the fair. Further, she would like you to have this gift as a remembrance of your time together.

Clyde: For me? [opens it up and finds it's the photos from the photo booth along with a thank you note; stuttering; gets another nosebleed and faints]

Lincoln: That's my bro.

[Lincoln, Bobby, and Lucy all laugh.]

Sam: [exasperated] I don't get it. How's Clyde's obsession with Lori supposed to be at all funny?

THE END


	5. Making the Case ( Sam)

[The episode starts with Lincoln looking at The Loud Family Trophy case as he sighs.]

Lincoln: [to the viewers] The Loud Family trophy case. My sisters have done some pretty impressive stuff to get in here. There are Lynn's soccer trophies...

[Flashbacks to Lynn in the middle of a soccer game as she kicks the ball into the opposing team's net scoring the final goal for the team as the family cheers for Lynn except for Lincoln. Lynn is shown receiving a big trophy with a soccer ball on it as several people flash cameras at her. Lincoln sees this as the flashback ends.]

Lincoln: [to the viewers] Lola's pageant crowns...

[Flashbacks to Lola returning home from a pageant with a golden crown.]

Lola: That's another crown for the most pretty little girl in Royal Woods!

[Lola puts the crown in her spot while Lincoln watches as the flashback ends.]

Lincoln: [to the viewers] Lisa's Junior Nobel Prize...

[Lisa is shown at a conference being asked questions by several people with cameras flashing as Lisa is holding her Junior Nobel Prize.]

Male Journalist: Lisa Loud, tell us what it's like to be the youngest child ever to receive a Junior Nobel Prize!

Female Journalist: What else will we expect from you coming up!?

Lisa: I will answer your questions in due time, but I would like some more pictures of me with this prize so I can celebrate this moment forever.

[Cameras continue to flash as Lisa smiles from all the attention she is getting, the rest of the family watches very proud of Lisa while Lincoln watches from the sidelines; Flashback ends.]

Lincoln: [to the viewers] Even Lily's won her thumb sucking contests! And then there's me.

[Shows that such trophies are in their proper spots, but Lincoln's spot is completely vacant as he sighs.]

Lincoln: [to the viewers] I've tried everything to get into this trophy case.

[A series of flashbacks take place; Flashback #1, Lincoln is shown running a marathon but arrives at the finish line hours after it had finished; Flashback #2, Lincoln is in a karate tournament and breaks his arm when trying to display a karate chop and is being put to the hospital ; Flashback #3, Lincoln is competing in a beauty pageant, which is usually Lola's territory.]

Judge: And the winner of the Little Miss Cutie Pie Pageant is...Liiiiiiiiiiinnnnnn-dsey Sweetwater!

[Lincoln sulks; end flashbacks.]

Lincoln: [to the viewers] But now, I finally have my chance! The 5th-8th Grade Video Contest. Whoever's video gets the most votes wins the trophy and I'll finally have something in the trophy case that shows that I've worked hard and accomplished something in this family.

[A knock is heard at the door as Lincoln opens the door letting Sam and Clyde in.]

Sam: What's up, buddy? Ready to get started on the contest?

Lincoln: [smiling] You know it, guys! Let me grab my camera!

[Cut to Lincoln in his room looking underneath his bed for the video camera.]

Lincoln: Dang it! Where could that camera possibly be? [finds the video camera on the floor] Aha! Found it! Now, it's time to get to work! [heads back downstairs]

Clyde: What's the plan?

Lincoln: My plan for the video is gonna get SO many votes.

[Cut to Lincoln and Clyde in some kind of stunt costumes as Sam films it.]

Sam: Your video idea is you two on a skateboard on top of a ramp while wearing Mentos suits?

Lincoln: No. You'll see. So, are we rolling yet?

Sam: [turns on the camera] Now we are!

Lincoln: [in character] Hey, fifth grade! Lincoln Loud and Clyde McBride here! Ever wondered what happens when 1,344 Mentos meet 88 gallons of diet soda? Well, you're about to find out! 

[Lincoln and Clyde ride on Lana's skateboard off a ramp into a catapult where they're launched by Charles and Cliff into a swimming pool full of diet soda, causing the soda and mints to shoot out like a geyser.]

Sam: [drenched in soda] Alright, done! Let's go see what the public thinks of this right here!

[Unfortunately, a while after uploading to the school's website's contest page, the video has no votes at all.]

Lincoln: What?! Why isn't anybody voting for this?!

Clyde: Maybe because they're all voting for this HamstaCam video.

[Clyde uploads a video of what is simply a hamster just running around in his wheel like any other hamster.]

Sam: [notices the vote total] 50 votes?! How in the world did a hamster get 50 votes already while our video got none?! I mean, we could've done the same thing with Geo. What is so endearing about some hamster?!

[Geo overhears this, and chitters at Sam angrily.]

Sam: No offense, Geo. I was talking about another hamster.

Clyde: Hey! We got a vote! No, wait, it's a comment. "Nice try, U shld go to UR BIG SISTER'S site for some tipzz. Her videos R sick: L.O.L. COMEDY CHANNEL"

Lincoln: Click the link.

[Sam clicks the link as it opens to LUAN OUT LOUD'S COMEDY CHANNEL.]

Lincoln: Cute, but how many people wanna watch Luan- [notices her fan total] 50,000 followers?! Guys, do you know what this means?

Sam: That these people don't know what comedy is anymore, and they'll have to settle for whatever Luan has?

Lincoln: Sick burn, but no! This means Luan can help us win the contest! Come on!

[Cut to Luan looking over Lincoln and Clyde's video.]

Luan: Mm-hmm...

Lincoln: Pretty dope, right?

Luan: Not in this case, no.

Lincoln: [shocked] Say what now?!

Luan: Sorry, Linc. Stunts are so last year. If you want to win the contest, you have to make funny videos.

Sam: Well, how do we make those?

Luan: Easy. You just follow my one simple rule. Keep your camera on at all times, because you never know when you'll strike comedy gold. Ooh! Like this! [films Sam scratching his ear like a dog]

Sam: Hey! People don't need to know about that! Erase it!

Luan: Don't worry, Sam. I would never post it without your permission. 

[Cut to Lincoln, Clyde, and Sam just outside of Lori and Leni's door.]

Lincoln: Alright, let's go try and film something in here. [opens Lori and Leni's door]

Lori: No, Bobby. YOU hang up first-

Clyde: L-L-Lori?!  [acts like a robot] RED ALERT. RED ALERT. DOES NOT COMPUTE. CIRCUIT OVERLOAD. [passes out]

Sam: [filming Clyde's robotic behavior] Man, this is comedy gold right here!

Lori: [angrily] What did I tell you three about going into my room?!

Sam: [pointing the camera at Lori] Hey, Lori! Do something funny!

[Lori throws Lincoln, Sam, and Clyde out of her room and down the stairs where their camera lands in front of them.]

Sam: [on camera; dazily] THAT wasn't funny! For us, at least! [collapses on the floor]

[Cut to later where the three are about to film Lynn.]

Lincoln: Let's hope THIS makes for some comedic material. [opens Lynn and Lucy's door.]

Lynn: [dressed as Lunatic Lynn] AYYYEEE!!! LUCHA LIBRE! [lunges towards the three and rams them towards the front door]

[Cut to Lincoln, Sam, and Clyde with their heads, hands, and legs stuck in the door. They also have stars above their heads as well as their pupils rotating clockwise. The camera fell out of Sam's hands and lands right in front of them.]

Lincoln, Clyde, and Sam: [groans; on camera] Estamos bien.

[Cut to the three outside trying to film in the backyard.]

Sam: Well, there's nothing here besides the stunt equipment from earlier. Let's just-

[The three get rammed by Lola in her princess car.]

Lola: Can't you see I'm driving here?!

[The three fly up to the top of the tree near Lincoln's window. The camera lands at a convenient angle to film the three friends falling down the tree. the three then crash into the tree with their bodies.]

Lincoln, Sam, and Clyde: [falling down the tree] Aah! [hit a branch] Face! [hit another branch] Butt! [hit another branch] Arm! [hit another branch] Ribs! [land on a branch with their crotches; painfully] Coconuts! [fall off the branch and faceplant on the ground]

[Cut to the three near Lincoln's room.]

Lincoln: I think that's enough filming for one day, guys.

Sam: Aw. what? Already? There's so much more that we could film. [points the camera to Lisa and Lily's room] Like this! [opens Lisa and Lily's door] Comedy gold, here we come!

Lisa: [drops her beaker full of an unknown substance from surprise of Sam's outburst] Look at what you did, you homo sapien!

Sam: [looking at the mess] Let's see here... There's a bunch of broken glass there, and some type of liquid that stained the carpet...

Lisa: Are you planning to clean it up?

Sam: I guess so. 

[The three were about to clean the mess until the spilled liquid ends up setting off a chain reaction in Lisa's lab. This results in Lincoln, Clyde, and Sam being brutally electrocuted. They then turn into human-sized lightning bolts and shoot through the house at lightning speed until they crash into the circuit breaker in the basement and make the entire house's power go out. All the while, the camera has filmed it all.]

Sisters: LINCOLN!!!

Lincoln: That was REALLY shocking.

[Cut to later when the power's back on, and Luan is looking over the three friends' video. The three twitch with electricity surging through them several times.]

Luan: Mm-hmm...

Sam: So, is what we have so far funny enough?

Luan: It's not funny.

[The three look down with sad expressions.]

Luan: It's HILARIOUS! [laughs]

[The three look up with happy expressions.]

Sam: Great! [takes the camera] Let's go upload this! 

Lincoln: I think we should go ask permission first.

[The three ask for permission from Lori, Lynn, Lola, and Lisa to upload the video they made, with some unintentional help from them for the comedic material. They approve and give the thumbs up for them to do so.]

[Cut to the next day at school, where the students are talking about Lincoln, Clyde, and Sam's video.]

Female Classmate: You guys' video rocks! You got my vote!

Male Classmate: Man. The part with you crashing into the door? Destined to be an instant classic!

Female Classmate: And how about the part where they fell down the tree? So funny!

[As the kids laugh, the three get large smirks on their faces.]

[Cut to the three at the Loud House's computer looking at the video called "The Three Loud Stooges" on the school website's contest page. The boys are in awe and astonishment to see the number of views on their video rapidly multiplying so much that the digits are piling up on the side of the screen and then bursting out the side of the monitor.]

Lincoln: Yes! We have SO many votes right now!

Sam: I know! That's more votes than there are students at school! [laughs triumphantly] Suck it, HamstaCam!

Clyde: That's great and all, but what are we going to do about the numbers leaking out of the computer?

Lincoln: Oh, yeah. [gets some duct tape and seals the monitor's hole] There we go. It shouldn't be a problem now.

[Cut to the next day, where everyone is in the gym for the 5th-8th Grade video contest ceremony.]

Principal Huggins: [holding an envelope; on a microphone] And the winner of this 5th-8th Grade Video Contest is... [drumroll plays] [opens the envelope] "The Three Loud Stooges" by Lincoln Loud, Clyde McBride, and Sam Genous!

[There's a huge round of applause as the aforementioned three go up to get their awards. They then take the microphone.]

Sam: [on the microphone] Thank you! Thank you all!

Clyde: [on the microphone] You're all a beautiful crowd!

Lincoln: [teary-eyed; on the microphone] We would like to thank my sister, Luan, for inspiring us to make this video. We also would like to thank my other sisters, Lori, Lynn, Lola, and Lisa, for making this video possible.

[There's another huge round of applause. Lynn, Lola, and Lisa can be seen in the crowd, touched by Lincoln's words.]

[Cut to Lincoln putting his trophy in his spot in the family's trophy case.]

Lincoln: [teary-eyed] I never thought this day would come! I finally got my very own trophy! [wipes his eyes]

[Suddenly, there's a knock at the door. Lincoln opens it to reveal a very excited Sam and Clyde.]

Lincoln: Hey, guys! What's up?

Sam: [ecstatic] It had just occurred to us that if we make our contest video into a short film, we'll receive many more awards!

Lincoln: [ecstatic] What are we waiting for?! Let's do it!

[The three go over to the computer and converts the video over to film, and sends it to many major motion picture studios.]

Sam: And now, we just wait for the studios' response.

[Meanwhile, at Nickelodeon Studios...]

Employee: [rushes into the boss' office] Sir! You have GOT to see this! [shows the boss "The Three Loud Stooges"]

Boss: Hmm... This could make for a successful venture...

[Cut to a few weeks later. In the living room, Lincoln, Sam, and Clyde are playing video games until the doorbell rings.The three go to answer it.]

Nickelodeon Agent: Are you three Lincoln Loud, Clyde McBride, and Sam Genous?

Lincoln: Yes.

Nickelodeon Agent: I was sent by the head of Nickelodeon to tell you three that we would like to license your short film under our license.

Lincoln: Just a second. [huddles up with Sam and Clyde] Guys, this is our chance to become famous and win awards.

[The two nod in agreement.]

Lincoln: [goes back to the agent] I don't see why not.

Nickelodeon Agent: Fantastic! We will notify you when your short film is nominated for any awards.

Sam: Great! See ya! [closes the door after the agent leaves]

Lincoln, Clyde, and Sam: [inhales] OOOOOOOHHHHHHH! [The sisters come downstairs.]

Lori: Why are you yelling "Oh"?

Sam: Alright, so we made the contest video into a short film and sent it to a major motion picture studio a few weeks ago. Then, just today, a guy in a suit from Nickelodeon negotiated with us for our short film to be licensed under Nickelodeon's name.

Lynn: Wow. That sounds awesome.

  
Sam: The agent also said that they'll notify us when the film is nominated for anything.

Luan: Good for you. [leaves with the rest of the sisters]

[Cut to the next day, when Lincoln is looking through the mail.]

Lincoln: Let's see here... bill, bill, bill, bill, junk mail, Spooky Monthly, [gasps] An invitation to the Golden Globes! [reading the letter] "Congratulations, Lincoln Loud, [transitions into Clyde's voice]

Clyde: [reading the letter] "Clyde McBride," [transitions into Sam's voice]

Sam: [reading the letter] "and Sam Genous!"

[Cut to Lincoln, Clyde, and Sam in splitscreen.]

Lincoln, Clyde, and Sam: [in unison] "You and your friends' work has been nominated for Best Short Film at the Golden Globes Ceremony. It starts on Saturday from 4-8 PM at the Beverly Hilton in Beverly Hills, California. There will be no expense paid for transportation. Our associates will take you, your friends, and your family there. Good luck." [get big smiles on their faces]

[Cut to the three's families being taken over to Beverly Hills, California for the award by limo and airplane. Cut to the Golden Globes ceremony, notably where the three families are sitting.]

Announcer: And now, to present the Golden Globe for best short film, Chris Pratt.

[There's a huge round of applause as Chris Pratt comes on stage.]

Chris Pratt: It's great to be here with all of you folks out there. And now, the nominees for best short film; Burjanadze Boulevard, The Siblings of Suzetteville, "Sprites" by Pixar, and "The Three Loud Stooges" by Nickelodeon.

[Lincoln, Clyde, and Sam whoop alone. Chris Pratt then gets an envelope containing the winning short film.]

Sam: I just hope that all of this doesn't end up like that one episode of "The Simpsons" , and your sisters end up hogging all the credit for the film.

Lincoln: I hope so too.

Chris Pratt: And the Globe goes to... "The Three Loud Stooges"!

[There's a big round of applause, especially from Lincoln, Clyde, and Sam's families as the aforementioned three go up to get their Golden Globe.]

Sam: Thank you all!

Lincoln: We have several people to thank; My sisters, Lori, Lynn, Lola, and Lisa for supplying the comedic material, and Luan for inspiring us to make this.

[There's another big round of applause as the three friends go back to their seats with Golden Globe in hand.]

Lincoln: I'm pretty surprised that none of you five rushed up there to accept the award.

Lori: It's because you finally got a trophy, and we didn't want to take that chance from you. Besides, we have our own trophies in the case back home.

Lynn: Basically, we have OUR trophies, and you have YOUR trophies.

Lincoln: [touched by their words] Aww! Thanks, guys! [hugs the five]

[Cut to a long montage of "The Three Loud Stooges" being nominated for multiple rewards at many different ceremonies, including the Academy Awards, Oscars, Emmys, Kids Choice Awards, etc. and the three friends being at said ceremonies to claim the awards.]

[Cut back to the Loud Family's trophy case/]

Lincoln: [to the viewers] Welp, I have finally made it into the family case, with the help of some certain somebodies. 

[Camera pans to a waving Sam, Clyde, Lori, Luan, Lynn, Lola, and Lisa, and then Lincoln gets in the shot.]

Lincoln: I have gotten SO many awards from those ceremonies, that I ended up getting a case made specifically for MY awards.

[Camera pans to a case full of Lincoln's short film awards for "The Three Loud Stooges".]

Lincoln: Yeah. Life is good for me now. 

  
THE END


	6. Hand-Me-Downer ( Sam)

[The episode starts with Lincoln and Clyde awkwardly staring at something.]

Clyde: It's nice, but I'm kinda surprised you chose a pink one with streamers and a basket.

Lincoln: I didn't choose it, Clyde. it's a hand-me-down from Lori.

Clyde: [enamored] This was Lori's bike? [passionately holds onto it]

[Just then, Sam comes by the scene.]

Sam: Hey guys, what's going on? Whose bike is that?

Lincoln: It's mine. Lori handed it down to me.

Sam: Didn't really expect for her to hand you down something like... [looks at the bike] that.

Lincoln: In a big family, hand-me-downs are a fact of life. Here, let me take you through a few of... Lincoln Loud's Hand-Me-Down Greatest Hits.

[Cut to a flashback of Hand-Me-Down #1.]

Lincoln: There was Leni's sparkly shirt...

[Lincoln is wearing a shirt with "LL" bejeweled on it and it doesn't even fit him.]

Leni: Sorry. It has my initials on it.

Flashback Lincoln: But "LL" are also my initials. Never mind.

[As Leni leaves, Lincoln hides the shirt under the bed. Cut to a flashback of Hand-Me-Down #2]

Lincoln: ...and then there was Colonel Crackers, Luan's ventriloquist dummy...

Flashback Lincoln: [practicing his act] I'm thirsty. [takes a sip of water but spits it out from drinking too much]

Colonel Crackers:And they call me the dummy.

[Lincoln hides Colonel Crackers under his bed. Cut to a flashback of Hand-Me-Down #3.]

Lincoln: ...Luna's electric guitar...

[Luna rocks out so hard that she breaks her guitar and hands it to Lincoln.]

Luna: Here you go, bro. All it needs is love. Love is all it needs. [leaves]

Flashback Lincoln: [disappointed] And strings, and a neck, and a body. [puts it under his bed]

[Cut to a flashback of Hand-Me-Down #4.]

Lincoln: ...and Lynn's, um...

[Lynn launches a jockstrap right at Lincoln's face.]

Lynn: You'll thank me during those penalty kicks. [leaves]

Flashback Lincoln: [grossed out] Grody... [puts it under the bed]

[End of Lincoln Loud's Hand-Me-Down Greatest Hits. Cut back to Lincoln and Sam with Clyde still holding onto the bike.]

Sam: Well, it sounds like you don't care that much for your other hand-me-downs.

Lincoln: You think?

Sam: But... there's also a bright side to it.

Lincoln: [deadpanned] Like what?

Sam: You see, hand-me-downs don't have to be the same as when you got them. They're pretty much yours to mess around with now. [goes over to the pink bike] Can I se this for a minute, Clyde?

[Clyde doesn't answer, still enamored. Sam just shakes Clyde off of the bike.]

Sam: Take this bike for instance. It doesn't have to look like it belongs to Lola. It can be made into something cooler.

Clyde: How so? [lovestruck] I think it's perfect just the way it is.

Sam: [deadpanned] You really need to find someone your own age. [takes out a book from his back pocket] We can use "Flynn-Fletcher's Guide to Building Cool Stuff" to improve the bike. Maybe we can "fix" some of the other hand-me-downs too.

Lincoln: Well...

[Two boys on their bikes come by.]

Papa Wheelie: Heh! Nice bike, kid!

Flat Tire: Yeah, that bike is so lame it...it... [beat] ...I got nothing.

Papa Wheelie: So long, sissy.

[The two ride off guffawing about Lincoln's hand-me-down bike.]

Lincoln: [sternly] Let's do it.

[Cut to a montage of Lincoln and Sam in the garage, taking apart the pink bike with and rebuilding it into this with the accompaniment of some spare parts from Lisa's old inventions and Lana's tools. They also turn Leni's sparkly shirt into two leather jackets with each of their initials on it with some spare clothing materials and rhinestones in the garage. In addition, they fix Luna's electric guitar, paint it orange, and write Lincoln's initials on it. All of this was possible, thanks to Sam's book.]

[Cut to the two looking at their accomplishments.]

Lincoln: [wipes off sweat from his forehead] Our work here is done.

Sam: Now, let's go test it out.

[Cut to Clyde outside of the garage. The garage door opens to reveal two silhouettes coming out of the shadows with a bike, an electric guitat, and leather jackets.]

Clyde: Whoa-ho-ho! That is all kinds of awesome!

[The three go off to the park. Lynn passes by them.]

Lynn: LOOK OUT! SICK BIKE COMING THRO- [sees Lincoln's cool bike] uuuuuuuuuuuuuu... [until the three boys leave with the bike] Huh. I had this strange feeling Lincoln was going to come and borrow my bike instead of making one cooler than mine.

[Cut to the three boys at the park with the orange bike.]

Lincoln: Alright, time to see what this baby can do! [hops onto it]

Sam: Let me get a piece of that action too. [hops on as well]

Lincoln: Here, Clyde. We had extra supplies and made another jacket. [tosses it over to him] It has your intials on it too.

Clyde: I'M TOTALLY IN! [hops on the bike with the two]

Lincoln: Let's see how it does on land. [boots up the bike]

Bike: [in robotic voice] Good afternoon, master Lincoln. How may I serve you? 

[Lincoln and Clyde look at Sam.]

Sam: I thought the voice system would be a good touch.

Lincoln: Let's burn some rubber.

Bike: As you wish, master.

[The bike buffers for a moment, then it goes at breakneck speed. The three are holding on for dear life as the bike dashes through the open, grassy area of the park.]

Clyde: Thhiiiissss iiiiisssss awwweeessoommee!!

Lincoln: Mmmmmuuuusssttt sssstttoooppp bbbiiiikkkke! [pushes the stop button]

[The three are flung off of the bike when it stops, and they faceplant on the grass. They then jump back onto the bike.]

Lincoln: [looks through the assortment of buttons] How about the one with the plane? [presses the plane button]

Bike: Aerial mode activated. [transforms into a small jet plane and blasts off into the sky]

Lincoln: They're gonna be soooo jealous!

Clyde: Wow, we can see all of Royal Woods from up here!

[Camera zooms out to show the entirety of Royal Woods.]

Sam: Let's fly down to that lake so we can test out the bike's sea mode.

[Lincoln does such, landing the plane bike near a lake.]

Lincoln: Pretty sure it's the button with the boat on it. [presses the boat button]

Bike: Naval mode activated. [turns into a jetski, jumps into the lake, and speeds through it]

Clyde: Talk about all-terrain!

Lincoln: Now, it's time to show this baby off to the bike gang.

[Cut to Flat Tire and Papa Wheelie from earlier, this time with another boy at the park. Lincoln and Sam walk to them, with smug expressions.]

Flat Tire: Hey Wheelie, it's the sissy biker again and his faithful companion, uh... uh... [beat] I got nothing. 

Papa Wheelie: Forget it. You're not joining our gang with that girly bike of yours.

Lincoln: You thought that bike was mine? Please! It was my sister's. This is my bike. [whistles]

[Cut to the bike driving through the park.]

Bike: On my way, sir. [drives off a ramp, activates aerial mode, flies towards Lincoln's location, lands in front of the three boys, and turns back into a bike]

Lincoln: Feast your eyes.

Papa Wheelie: Whoa-ho-ho! That bike is really sick!

Flat Tire: [notices something] Yeah...and that bike is sick, too...but not in a good way.

[Clyde is riding on a tandem bike.]

Clyde: What? My parents' tandem? I'll have you know when two riders are on this hog, it could burn some serious rubber.

Rusty Spokes: [to Lincoln] How would you like to be our new leader?

Papa Wheelie: Hey! I thought I was your leader!

Rusty Spokes: Sorry, Papa Wheelie. You're out.

Papa Wheelie: [frustrated] Hmm!

Rusty Spokes: I'm Rusty Spokes, and this Flat Tire. What's your handle gonna be?

Lincoln: Hmm...how about Chain Linc?

Rusty Spokes and Flat Tire: Sick... Lincoln: [to Clyde] And we'll call you Two Seats.

Sam: [clears throat] Forgetting someone?

Lincoln: Let's see... We'll call you... Cycle-Path. [puts on his leather jacket] Okay, guys... Let's ride!

[The three boys go riding down a street hill and on a rocky road, following Lincoln and Sam on the orange bike. Clyde gets his tandem bike stuck along the way, though. They hit the bike shop and notice a mannequin on the display window and use it for Clyde's partner rider so he can ride just fine now.]

[Lincoln goes riding and comes across a motorcyclist named T-Bone on his motorcycle and revs up his bike engine and rides off.]

T-Bone: Sick.

[At a high school, some cheerleaders are gawking a football quarterback.]

Lincoln: [suavely] Hey, ladies...

[The cheerleaders give Lincoln their attention and the quarterback feels upset. Now the boys are riding through the farmlands.]

Farmer: Nice hog!

Lincoln: You too!

[The farmer is sitting on top of a big pig. Next, the gang ride across a bridge over a large river, except for Lincoln and Sam, who are driving across the water by using the bike's jetski mode. Lincoln eventually starts giving everyone he met with his new bike a ride on it, including the farmer's pig. Soon, the gang stops for ice cream.]

  
Lincoln: Boy is it cool to be in a bike crew, Sam. Clyde.

Sam: Who are those two? Our names are Two Seats and Cycle-Path.

[They laugh.]

Lincoln: [to the viewers] Thanks to a certain pal of mine, I now have a new found appreciation of hand-me-downs in my family. Now, I know I can change my hand-me-downs as I see fit.

[The bike crew finish their ice cream. Lincoln and Sam fly off towards the sunset on their bike, with the rest of the crew following them on land. Lincoln then ends the episode with a guitar solo.]

THE END


	7. Cereal Offender ( Sam)

[The episode starts with Lincoln eating cereal on the couch. Sam comes in with a bowl of cereal and a bottle of root beer.]

 **Sam:** Morning, Linc. [pours his root beer into his cereal bowl]

 **Lincoln:** What are you doing?

 **Sam:** Having some cereal. [eats some of his cereal]

 **Lincoln:** Uh, Sam? Nobody pours root beer over their cereal.

 **Sam:** And nobody puts saurekraut in their peanut butter sandwiches either.

 **Lincoln:** Touche.

[Lincoln and Sam watch a commercial for a new cereal.]

 **Announcer:** Bored of the same old breakfast?

 **Lincoln and Sam:** [looks down at their cereal] Yes...

 **Announcer:** Then try Zombie Bran! The cereal that turns you into the walking fed!

[A box of Zombie Bran appears on-screen and the kids in the commercial have turned into zombies from eating it]

 **Zombie Girl:** [zombie voice] Braaaaan!

 **Zombie Boy:** [zombie voice] Braaaaan! BRAAAAAN!

 **Lincoln:** [filled with desire] Must...have...Zombie Bran! [runs to the kitchen] Mom! MOM!

[Sam goes off with Lincoln to the kitchen.]

[Cut to the kitchen, where Rita is using a plunger to unclog the sink.]

 **Rita:** What on Earth is down here?

 **Lincoln:** Mom! Mom! Can we please get Zombie Bran cereal? [cutely pleading] Please please please please please please?

 **Rita:** Sorry, sweetie. We've got a very tight budget. And by the time I get everything on my grocery list, there's no money leftover for treats.

[The grocery list is shown to be very long]

 **Lincoln:** Hmm... [gets an idea] What if me and Sam could get everything on here and still have enough money leftover for Zombie Bran?

 **Rita:** You two wanna do the shopping for me? I don't know, boys. It's a big responsibility; I'm not sure you can handle it.

 **Lincoln:** We can, Mom! We promise! And think of what you could do with all that time to yourself.

[Rita suddenly imagines herself at a spa where she has gotten a facial with cucumber slices covering her eyes, getting a massage and a manicure and enjoying a smoothie]

 **Rita:** Mmm...ah, yes...

[She belches upon sipping her smoothie and sighs with relief; end fantasy]

 **Rita:** Deal. But just this once, okay?

 **Lincoln and Sam:** OOOOOOOOHHH! [leaves]

[Rita finds the source of the clog in the sink, which is Luan's multiple handkerchief prop]

 **Rita:** Oh, so that's it! [pulls out all the handkerchiefs] LUAN, NO MORE COMEDY PROPS IN THE SINK!

[Cut to Lincoim with a clipboard.]

 **Lincoln:** Reusable bags?

 **Sam:** [holding said items with his arms] Check.

 **Lincoln:** Calculator?

 **Sam:** [holding calculator] Check.

 **Lincoln:** More resuable bags?

 **Sam:** [pulls in more reusable bags] Check.

 **Lincoln:** [checks over the list of shopping supplies again] Alright, that's everything. Let's go.

[They were about to go, until Lori goes to them.]

 **Lori:** Guys! I'm going shopping with you! Bobby literally just got a job as a stock boy.

[The rest of Lincoln's sisters join in and wanna come along.]

 **Sam:** Nope-Nope-Na-Nope-Nope-Nope-A-Nope-Nope!

 **Sisters:** Why not?!

 **Lincoln:** We're men on a mission and you'll all just end up goofing off.

 **Lynn:** No we won't. Uh...we'll help you shop.

[The others agree with Lynn.]

 **Sam:** Pfft! No, you won't.

 **Sisters:** Yes, we will.

 **Sam:** No, you won't.

 **Sisters:** Yes, we will!

 **Sam:** Guys, look. We ALL know when we get to the store, you'll all immediately slack off and go off Heaven-knows-where in there. So, there's nothing you can say OR do that'll make us change our minds.

 **Lisa:** Very well, then. If you refuse to let us go with you, I'll have to use my superior linguistic skills to convince you to take us.

 **Sam:** Go ahead and try it. It won't change our minds.

[Cut to the Loud sisters going on their way over to Vanzilla.]

 **Lincoln:** See you at the van.

 **Sam:** We'll get the bags and meet you over there.

 **Lincoln and Sam:** Huh. We didn't see it that way before.

 **Sam:** [realizes something] Wait a minute. How the heck did Lisa talk us into this?

 **Lincoln:** I was wondering the same thing. Nevertheless, we're not gonna let this stop us from getting our Zombie Bran. Come on, Sam. [heads to Vanzilla]

 **Sam:** Be right with you. [takes the reusable bags and calculator to Vanzilla]

[Cut to the Louds, and Sam, arriving at Super Mart.]

 **Rita:** Alright, Lincoln. Here's the list, and here's _exactly_ $200. [gives him the list and money; excited] I'll be back in an hour! I'm off to get my first pedicure in 17 years! [drives off]

 **Sam:** Alright, you do that!

[The gang enters the store, and there's a sign promoting Zombie Bran.]

 **Lincoln and Sam:** You will be ours. [turn to the sisters] Ready, guys?

[As the gang are about to go in, the manager stops them.]

 **Manager:** Whoa, whoa! What do you hooligans think you're doing?

 **Lincoln:** We're shopping for our mom, sir.

 **Sam:** And I was wondering. Do you do this every time someone new enters the store?

 **Lori:** [notices Bobby and gasps] Bobby Boo-Boo Bear!

[Bobby is stocking paper towel rolls.]

 **Bobby:** Babe!

[They hug]

 **Lori:** I love a man in uniform!

 **Bobby:** It's okay, boss. I know them.

 **Manager:** [hostilely] Very reassuring, _Boo-Boo Bear_. [checks their list] **eggs, milk**...okay, okay. Looks legit. [threateningly] But any monkey business, and you're all out on your keisters! [leaves]

 **Sam:** I wonder what his problem is.

 **Lincoln:** Alright, guys, you heard him! You all have to be on your best behavior! Now, if we each take a section of Mom's list-

[The girls run over the two and go off into different sections of the store.]

 **Sam:** [calls out to the girls] This is exactly why we didn't want you guys to come!

 **Lincoln:** Alright, you go do the shopping while I make sure the girls don't get us kicked out. [gives Sam the list, money, shopping supplies, and a shopping cart] Here's the list, $200, the bags, and the calculator. Just try to save $4 for the Zombie Bran, by any means necessary. [runs off to deal with the sisters]

 **Sam:** Wha?! Aw, here it goes! [runs off with the shopping cart]

[Cut to Sam in the first aisle. The shopping list reads for eggs that are not cracked, milk that's not spoiled, instant noodles, onions and potatoes.]

 **Sam:** Alright, I've got $200. Just need a way to save $4. [finds a dented can of tomato sauce] Ooh! 10 cents off the dented one! A couple more savings like this and there'll be enough for the Zombie Bran!

[Cut to Lincoln in the fruit section.]

 **Lincoln:** Where could they be?

[Cut to Lynn speeding on a shopping cart.]

 **Lynn:** YIPPEE-KI-YEE, MARKET SHOPPERS! YAYAYAYAYAYA-WOO! [runs into and picks up Lincoln]

 **Lincoln:** Lynn! [notices the manager polishing a chicken rotisserie and gasps] Eject! EJECT!

[The cart goes wheeling by and the manager goes after it; Lynn has landed in the marshmallow bin.]

 **Lynn:** Ah, nice! Ha ha! Soft landing.

[Lincoln has landed in the pineapple box]

 **Lincoln:** Ugh. Maybe for you.

[A kid who looks eerily identical to Lincoln with bleach blonde hair, an orange shirt, blue jeans and a white beanie notices him and laughs at his painful landing. Lincoln hops out of the pineapple and finds out he still has a pineapple on the seat of his pants and pulls it out, leaving some painful aftershocks.]

 **Lincoln:** YEOWCH! [tosses pineapple away]

[Cut to Sam in the dairy section, looking for the next item.]

 **Sam:** Now, what's next? Milk! [looks around] Milk, milk, milk... [sees the milk] Aha! There it is!

[Sam is about to reach for the milk, until he sees Luan on top of the fridges, juggling some eggs.]

 **Luan:** Step right up, folks, to see some _egg_ s-cellent juggling! [laughs] Get it? [drops the eggs on Sam's head] Whoops! Oh, looks like the _yolk's_ on you! [laughs again]

 **Sam:** One, those were _horrible_ egg puns, and two, can you throw me a carton down?

 **Luan:** You got it, _yolk_! [laughs again; throws an egg carton down to Sam]

[Lincoln notices Luan on top of the milk fridges. Now, Luan is balancing eggs on her head.]

 **Luan:** Whoa! How's this for a _balanced_ breakfast? [laughs some more]

 **Lincoln:** Luan! Cut it out! [notices the manager checking inventory]

[Lincoln grabs her and the manager slips on the egg yolks and lands on the pineapple Lincoln disposed of.]

 **Manager:** YEOWCH! WHO DID THIS?! [looks around] We've got a hooligan in our midst...

 **Sam:** [looks around to confirm who the manager was talking to] Who, me? I'm not a hooligan. Just a law-abiding citizen doing grocery shopping for his friend's mother.

[Lincoln and Luan are hiding under Sam's shopping cart.]

 **Luan:** Ah, he's no fun. I was on an _egg roll_. [laughs as Lincoln groans]

 **Sam:** [to Lincoln and Luan] Alright, guys. So far, I got the tomato sauce, milk, and eggs.

 **Lincoln:** Great! Keep up the good work, pal! [heads off]

[Cut to Sam getting more of the shopping done.]

 **Sam:** Okay, that's another 50 cents saved for old lettuce.

[The intercom comes on.]

 **Manager:** [on the intercom] Attention, shoppers! We have a 2 for 1 sale on waffles!

 **Sam:** Aw, sweet! A sale! [heads over to the frozen food section and picks up two boxes of frozen waffles] 2 for 1![calculates] Another buck closer to Zombie Bran!

 **Clerk:** AAAHH! THERE'S A CHILD IN THE FROZEN PEAS! AAAHH! [runs away]

 **Sam:** [heads to the frozen peas] Now what kind of kid would decide that they were going to go in the- [finds that it's Lisa; deadpanned] Oh, my goodness. Lisa, is there any particular reason you're laying on top of the frozen peas?

 **Lisa:** This is research for my cryogenic freezer. The future needs my brain.

 **Lincoln:** [sees Lisa; sighs] I can't believe this.

[The manager is coming and Lincoln has gotten Lisa out right before he could check.]

 **Manager:** D'oh! Where did that hooligan go?

 **Sam:** No hooligans here. Just me again.

 **Manager:** I got my eye on _you_. [leaves]

 **Sam:** [whispers] The coast is clear!

[Lincoln and Lisa escape via the snowman display for the frozen foods, and Sam has moved on to the seafood aisle.]

 **Sam:** Okay, talapia.

[Cut to Lincoln in the seafood aisle, and he notices Leni tying balloons to the lobsters and setting them free.]

 **Leni:** Be free! The ocean's that way. Or is it that way?

 **Lincoln:** Leni! What are you doing?

 **Leni:** Can you believe people were going to eat these poor, helpless creatures? [lets another one go]

 **Lincoln:** Leni! No!

[One of the lobsters pops its balloon with its claw and lands on Lincoln's back and snaps his leg.]

 **Lincoln:** YEOWCH! OW OW OW OW! [hides Leni behind the lobster tank just as the manager arrives]

 **Manager:** What the? Who did this? [notices Lincoln's hair and laughs viciously] I gotcha now. [one of the lobsters pinches his ankle] YEOWCH! OW OW OW OW OW OW OW! [crashes off-screen]

 **Lincoln:** [pushing Leni] Go go go go! What is wrong with you guys?

 **Leni:** I was just-

 **Lincoln:** Upupup! Don't even _try_ to justify your actions. [points to the entrance] Now, go with the others to the bench by the entrance.

[Leni begrudgingly walks over to the bench where Lynn, Luan, and Lisa are.]

 **Luan:** He got you too, huh?

[Leni nods.]

[Cut to Lincoln and Sam in the store.]

 **Lincoln:** Now, there's another sister taken care of.

[The intercom comes on again.]

 **Sam:** Woo-hoo! Another sale!

[However, it's really Luna on the intercom.]

 **Luna:** [jamming on the intercom] For those about to shop, I salute you!

 **Lincoln:** [exasperated] Dang it... [to Sam] I'll be right back.

[Lincoln catches Luna during her jam session and puts her in a cart, pushing her to the bench outside.]

 **Luna:** GOODNIGHT, GROCERY STORE!

[The manager comes by and hangs up the intercom.]

 **Manager:** [determined] I'll get you yet...

[Cut to Sam in the toiletry aisle.]

 **Sam:** Let's see...value pack...family pack...ah, here we go! Village pack! [puts a giant pack of three ply toilet paper into the cart and checks it off the list] Check! Yes! That was the last item. And now for the moment of truth. [takes a deep breath and calculates the total] And the grand total is...$196, which leaves...4 bucks for Zombie Bran! YEAH-UH! [heads over to the cereal aisle and finds one box of Zombie Bran left; about to reach for it] Phew. Last box. I can't believe this moment has finally-

[That bratty kid who is Lincoln's Doppelganger snatches the box.]

 **Bratty Kid:** Mine!

 **Sam:** What the heck, dude?! I had that first!

 **Bratty Kid:** And I have it now, Egghead! [runs off laughing with the box]

 **Sam:** [confusingly] Egghead? [touches his hair to see there's still egg yolk in it; very determined] Oh, you're going down...

 **Lincoln:** [walks by Sam] What happened?

 **Sam:** I got all the stuff in the cart, [points to Bratty Kid] but that guy just stole the last Zombie Bran box from me! [gives Lincoln the cart full of items] Here! Take this to the register. I'll go after the _cereal_ thief. [deadpanned] Oh, great! Luan's got _me_ doing it! [gives chase]

[The manager notices him.]

 **Manager:** Oh, you're going down... [gives chase as well]

[While Sam chases after Lincoln's doppelganger, the twins are squirting each other with produce hoses.]

 **Sam:** Guys, get to the bench outside! You're gonna get us kicked out!

[The bratty doppelganger knocks over the watermelons, and Sam reaches for a fruit scale to dodge them and continues the chase. The manager gets bombarded by the melons. Leni has let all the grilled chickens out of the rotisserie]

 **Leni:** Go, chickens! Be free!

 **Sam:** I thought you were supposed to be on the bench with the others! [continues chase, but comes back] And FYI, those chickens are already dead! [continues chase]

[The bratty kid pours a ton of coffee beans out of the dispenser. Sam uses sausage links to swing right over the beans and lands next to a free sample table.]

 **Sample Lady:** Sample, dear?

 **Sam:** Oh, thanks. [takes the plate, chugs down all the free samples, and sets it back down before resuming]

[The manager tries swinging on the sausage links like Sam did only to slip and fall toward the sample table.]

 **Sample Lady:** Oh dear!

[The manager crashes onto the table off-screen. Sam is running through the bakery where the bratty lookalike squeezes out liquid butter all over the floor to literally give Sam the slip. But, Sam grabs a shopping basket and uses it to slide right over the butter and notices Lucy mashing cakes together to look like a monster devouring the bride and groom at the top of a wedding cake.]

Sam: Please, stop!

Lucy: Sigh...

[Back at the frozen food section, Sam notices the snowman display wearing that kid's shoes.]

Sam: Game's over, cereal stealer! [tackles the display and finds nothing] What the?! [notices the lookalike escape out of the frozen peas] Hey!

[The boy gets away, but the lobsters on the balloons, the bag of peas, and the snowman's corn cob pipe give Sam an idea.]

 **Sam:** Perhaps...

[He loads the pipe up with peas and shoots them at the balloons, dropping one of the lobsters on the doppelganger's back and snapping him in his butt. However, the doppelganger manages to make it to the cash register. Cut to the doppelganger's mom at one of the registers.]

 **Bratty Kid's Mom:** [giving items to the cashier] Alright, so here's the fish sticks, frozen peas...

 **Bratty Kid:** Don't forget my Zombie Bran.

 **Bratty Kid's Mom:** [takes the Zombie Bran] Oh yeah, and this too.

 **Sam:** [to Bratty Kid] Hold it right there, thief!

[Sam lunges towards them in slow-mo while the mom gives the Zombie Bran to the cashier and checks it out along with her other items in regular motion, completely oblivious to Sam. Bratty Kid and his mom leave the store with their items while Sam is still lunging towards them in slow-mo, only to face-plant on the floor.]

 **Lincoln:** [heads over to Sam] So, were you able to get the Zombie Bran?

 **Sam:** [faces Lincoln; sighs] You see... he got away with the cereal.

 **Lincoln:** [depressed] I see...

 **Sam:** Might as well check out the stuff on the list.

[Lincoln and Sam go over to the register and do just that, as well as showing the sisters to the door after doing so. On the ride home, Rita is happy with Lincoln and Sam.]

 **Rita:** Looks like you two were able to handle the grocery shopping. Great job!

 **Lincoln:** [still depressed] Thanks.

 **Rita:** Is there something wrong, honey?

 **Lincoln:** [sighs] I don't wanna talk about it.

 **Rita:** Alright, then.

[Cut to Lincoln and Sam on the living room couch back at home with Lily eating her mushy baby food.]

 **Lincoln:** I can't believe this. We were _this_ close to getting Zombie Bran, but that chance was taken right out of our hands.

 **Sam:** I feel you, bro. But, at least we got everything on the grocery list and didn't get kicked out.

 **Lincoln:** True. Can you get the boring cereal we have from the kitchen?

 **Sam:** Sure. [heads to the kitchen pantry and grabs the boring cereal, only to notice something else in the pantry]

 **Sam:** Hey, Linc.

 **Lincoln:** [deadpanned] You got the cereal?

 **Sam:** [pulls out a Zombie Bran box from his back] Check this out! _This_ was behind the boring cereal this _whole_ time! Turns out we didn't have to go to the store to get some after all. How about that, huh?

[Lincoln's head turns red.]

 **Sam:** [notices Lincoln's state] Buddy, you okay?

 **Lincoln:** [angrily] So, what you're saying is that we got splattered in eggs, got a pineapple stuck to my butt, snapped by lobsters, and chased that thief through the store for NOTHING?!

 **Sam:** Yeah. Basically, yeah. But, it's pretty ironic when you think about it.

[Sam starts to laugh while Lincoln has a blank expression.]

 **Sam:** [calms down from the laughing] Whoo! Well, might as well start eating now. [pours him and Lincoln a bowl of Zombie Bran and tosses the boring cereal aside; gets some bottles of root beer and pours it into each bowl]

 **Lincoln:** [eats the root beer-laden Zombie Bran] You know what, Sam? Root beer with cereal isn't that bad.

[Just then, a new Zombie Bran commercial starts playing.]

Announcer: Bored of the same old breakfast? Then try Zombie Bran! The cereal that turns you into the walking fed!

Zombie Boy: [zombie voice] Braaaaan! BRAAAAAN!

Announcer: Now in new Raisin the Dead flavor!

[A new box with the aforementioned flavor appears next to the original flavor box. Lincoln and Sam look at each other.]

 **Lincoln:** Yeah, we're not going through _that_ again.

 **Sam:** Nobody likes raisins anyway.

[Lincoln turns the TV off and the two continue to eat their root beer-Zombie Bran.]

 **THE END**


End file.
